FEST Writing Group

From the fall of 1986 to the fall of 1990 when Dr. Bowen died, I consulted with him about myself and my own family in an effort to increase my differentiation of self. I think I was in two ways an ideal client for him: I was fairly low on the scale and, at the same time, I was highly motivated. He said he found that more could be learned from those families with greater intensity of emotional process, as things were more obvious. Then he could look for the same kinds of processes that were occurring on a subtler level in his own and others’ families.

Beginning with the second meeting with him, I recorded the sessions on a little cassette player. When I asked him if I could record the sessions, he replied “Yes,” which was all he ever said about the tapes. He did not suggest any limitations on my use of the tapes or express any ideas of how they might eventually be used. At one point, he did say he thought the material in them would be interesting to people, if it could be communicated anonymously.

I spent years considering how I might make the tapes accessible to others. I considered ways to hide my identity. I also experimented with presenting short excerpts, but I later decided it was a mistake to present his coaching out of context and stopped presenting them. 

Over the years, I delayed making the tapes into a book out of concern for my privacy and how I would be perceived if the tapes were published. In addition, I also wondered about how people would react to Bowen’s coaching. I could easily imagine, especially in the age of social media, that his coaching would be criticized and blamed. I believe he was willing to take risks in the coaching he did that was also a form of research for him. By being guided by his own judgment and curiosity, he left himself open to criticism. His coaching methods were at times creative and unconventional.

Over the years, I have been reading and learning about Bowen’s increasing openness, how he would hold meeting with patients and staff together, how patients could read the reports written about them, and of course his well-known Anonymous paper published in his book where he described his efforts in his own family.

I have decided to go ahead with editing transcripts for a book based on the 30 hours of tapes and in addition include some statements from me. For many years I looked for a way to communicate the tapes that would highlight Bowen’s coaching, but minimize myself and my family. In the end, I think that is not possible. My family and I, including our reactivity to the process, were a big part of the consults with him and their results. 

As I have been reviewing the tapes, I have realized that what is in the audio version is not fully communicated in the written transcripts, for instance, how emotionally present Dr. Bowen is in his use of humor and expressions of outrage or indignation in response to the reported change-back messages. I would like to find an opportunity to show the tapes in simultaneous audio and written form (necessary as some of the audio is hard to hear) in presentations of one hour at a time, followed by statements by me, then opening up to questions and discussion. I would like to offer them, presented as research, in 4-part monthly series of 3-hour conference meetings.

I believe that enough time has passed since Dr. Bowen’s death, that people have gained perspective and have a more realistic assessment of his contribution. As a result, I think there is less of a tendency to idealize him or to assume he was right about everything. I think people are less likely to copy his coaching or to think that his coaching is the right way to do coaching just because he is doing it. Presenting the tapes as a research project that people can learn from rather than imitate leaves it open for people to have individual reactions to the material. Bowen was a human being with the limitations that go with that, and he himself often said that his theory was incomplete.  The tapes are offered as a research opportunity, something to learn from, with mistakes, surprises, examples of the theory.